


Whatever We Were to Each Other (That, We Still Are)

by Swordy



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Post-Credits Scene, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 09:29:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6798427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swordy/pseuds/Swordy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>The label 'best friends' has always been an appropriate fit, <i>indisputable</i>, but there's something else - something that's simmered throughout all their years of knowing each other, realised in a fraction too much eye contact and innocent touches that lingered a little too long and were always reluctantly ended.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Stucky version of the mid-credits scene from <i>Captain America: Civil War</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Whatever We Were to Each Other (That, We Still Are)

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve seen Civil War twice now, but after the first time I knew I had to write _something_ so this is the result. It’s also a little gift to the blisteringly talented artist Petite Madame, who regularly shares her beautiful art with people and asks for nothing in return. To have two fandoms in common with her makes me feel very lucky indeed. :) And although I’d written most of this before she lifted her spoiler ban, I _had_ to include her line “Good night, Buck” from one of her latest pieces, so this one’s for you PM…
> 
> Title is taken from the moving poem ‘Death is Nothing at All’ by Henry Scott Holland.

OoOoO

Steve Rogers is an optimist, so it's very rare that he can't find _something_ about a plan, some positive that can make a bad situation bearable. This plan? This plan he hates passionately and vehemently. This plan isn't what he wants at all, because this plan means _goodbye_.

Sure, it might not be forever, and it definitely ranks above their previous partings, but how can he let Bucky go now, after everything they've just been through together? _With everything we could be_ , he thinks, even though he's constantly trying to push those thoughts aside because that? That's a _pipe dream_ , all things considered.

Even without recent cataclysmic world events and deep fractures within the Avengers, it's not straightforward, because the truth is, he doesn't _know_ what they are to each other. The label 'best friends' has always been an appropriate fit, _indisputable_ , but there's something else - something that's simmered throughout all their years of knowing each other, realised in a fraction too much eye contact and innocent touches that lingered a little too long and were always reluctantly ended.

He's often wondered what would have happened if the war hadn't gotten in the way. When he'd rescued Bucky from Zola's lab, he'd _vowed_ that they'd talk about it - for good or bad they'd make sense of what it was between them. But once again the war had taken precedence when Captain America and his Howling Commandos were the names on everyone's lips. And then Bucky...

He clamps down on the thought, too painful even now, even though he knows that Bucky _didn't_ die. Back then, the American public talked of Sergeant Barnes and his great sacrifice for the war effort. He was told repeatedly that James Buchanan Barnes had died a noble death, a _hero's_ death, by people who then watched his face, waiting for Captain America to agree and say something profound about his fallen comrade so they could go home happy.

The platitudes and clichés had fallen from his lips and the American public had lapped them up. Only in private did he cry. Bucky had gone, taking Steve's heart into the snowy wastes with him. A hero's death was a poor consolation. His own sacrifice after defeating Schmidt felt right - a _relief_ \- since joining Bucky in an icy grave was a better alternative than a future without Bucky in it.

Then he'd been found and tasked with hunting down the infamous Winter Soldier and his world had shifted on its axis once again, the instant that damned mask had come off. He'd seen the panic in the assassin's eyes, a realisation that he _might_ be the person - this _Bucky_ \- his opponent said he was. Even returned to the state of helpless obedience that brought them into contact once more, there was still that same indefinable _something_ that had broken through the Winter Soldier's programming once again and compelled Bucky to haul him from the water. 

He'd told himself then to settle for second-best - an acceptance that Bucky was alive and, hopefully, no longer killing - but it wasn't and would _never_ be enough. For two years, he'd searched all over the world for Bucky, but turned up nothing until the events in Vienna. Coincidence, providence, _whatever_. _Something_ kept bringing them back together in a way that decades or continents or even world wars couldn't stop.

When he'd found Bucky's notebook in Bucharest, everything had changed yet again. The other man had made painful attempts to put together the puzzle pieces of his scattered memories and although there wasn't a lot in there, the disappointing brevity was mitigated by the content. _He remembers me_ , Steve had thought in the seconds before he'd turned to see that the man himself was there. _He remembers us_. Suddenly all the Accords and U.Ns and Tony Starks in the _world_ weren't enough to make him turn Bucky in.

He heads down to the lab, his head a jumble of all the things he wants to say before their journey comes to an end once more. _We need more time_ , he thinks desperately. _Not yet, not yet_ , but Bucky's made his feelings clear so this is one battle he's prepared to stand down from even though every part of him wants to fight on. 

The sight that greets him gives him pause, and since no one has noticed his arrival yet, he allows himself the luxury of studying the man sitting on the bed from his vantage point just inside the door. At first he can't figure out what it is that has him so transfixed, until it suddenly hits him. 

They cleaned up and were checked over when they arrived here, but since Bucky had more issues that needed attending to, he hasn't strayed from the medical bay. As a result, he's simply dressed in pristine white drawstring pants and white tank top that hugs his body. _White suits him_ , Steve decides because it's _this_ that's caused the breath to catch in his throat. Like all young men of the forties, and especially those at war, Bucky existed in a parade of drab, lifeless colours. As the Winter Soldier he sealed his fearsome reputation in an all black ensemble. On the run from Hydra and S.H.I.E.L.D, his clothing was chosen to make him a nobody wherever he went. Now, in the stark white surroundings, Bucky practically _glows_.

_Like an angel_ , Steve thinks, even though Bucky's opinion of himself would mean that he'd profess he could only be the exact opposite. He watches the other man interacting with the staff, a gentle smile crossing his lips at something they've said. Bucky nods and Steve lip reads a softy spoken 'thank you'. He looks... _relaxed_ \- a look Steve hasn't seen on him since they first crossed paths again. Even missing his metal arm, Bucky looks more whole than ever. Another reason why he wishes things were different.

When the technician steps away, Bucky looks up because _of course_ he knows when he's being watched. Steve's heart does that funny little flip again before he finally remembers how to put one foot in front of the other.

"Hey," he says once he's close. "How you doing?"

Bucky lifts his shoulder by way of reply, an awkward shrug to ensure they're both talking about the same thing. The technicians have done the best they can with the stump of Bucky's arm - they've removed the remaining section and have strapped the empty shoulder socket, but they haven't got the equipment or the expertise on hand to attempt to rebuild it quickly. The irony is, the one person who _could_ help would probably have them both shot on sight.

"They've managed to shut down all the sensors, so at least it's not painful now."

Steve thinks back to their escape from Siberia, to Bucky's cries of agony from the back of the quinjet as the destroyed cybernetic arm continued to misfire signals to the nerves in his upper body. By the time they'd reached Wakanda, Bucky was all but unconscious and Steve's own levels of panic were creeping ever higher.

"It's good of T'Challa to take us in," Bucky continues. 

"He's a good guy," Steve agrees. "After falling for Zemo's lies, he wants to do right by you."

"Well, I'm really grateful."

Steve knows Bucky isn't talking about the arm now. His eyes stray to the cryonic chamber beside them. After a moment, Bucky's gaze goes there too.

"It's not forever," he says softly.

"I know..." Steve replies when he can find his voice, "It's just, after the battle on the helicarrier, you broke through your programming, you _saved_ me. I just feel like I should be returning the favour."

"But you _did_ save me."

"Doesn't feel like it."

"You always were a difficult son of a bitch, Steve Rogers." Bucky smiles and looks away just as Steve looks up. Steve's heart clenches in his chest at that smile. It's not _his_ Bucky - he knows that Bucky is long gone - but it _is_ the smile of a man who knows that they have a shared history, despite all the blank spaces in his memory. _A shared future is another matter entirely._

"But I just got you back," Steve complains even though he knows it'll change nothing. Bucky needs to do this and it's not fair to try and stop him, no matter how much he hates the idea.

"I know. But while I can still be controlled, it's just not safe."

Steve nods mutely. He knows Bucky is aware of all the horrors he's perpetuated as the Winter Soldier; being frozen will keep him from adding to that long, bloodstained list and at least he’ll be _safe_ here, where the Wakandans understand that he is a victim too.

"So what are your plans?" Bucky asks. _Once I've gone_.

Steve sighs. "Honestly? I don't know. I've sent Tony a letter, but I'm not sure if he'll even read it. I just wanted to straighten things out with him. I'll need to talk to the others too. Technically we're fugitives right now."

"I'm sorry."

"What? What for?"

"For _this_. You, your friends. They're good people and they've now screwed up their lives because of me."

Steve shakes his head vehemently. "Because of the Accords. The situation with you, they knew what they were getting themselves into. They knew it would mean going against their fellow Avengers, but they had faith in me because I had faith in _you_. They made that choice, and I owe them a debt of gratitude, which is why I need to try and make things right."

Steve catches the flicker of guilt on Bucky's face and kicks himself for wording it that way. He knows he could exploit Bucky's feelings of worthlessness by asking him to stay out of cryo to help him fix things for the people who risked it all to help them, but dirty tactics have never been his style.

"And you're right - they're good people. The _best_. I didn't ask them, but they want to help find a way to de-programme you so you don't have to stay...." He gestures at the waiting chamber. When Bucky doesn't respond, Steve looks to see why. Bucky's clearly warring with himself over what he wants to say next so Steve allows the battle to play out.

"After Washington... I started to get some of my memories back from before I was the Winter Soldier. I went to the Smithsonian to try and make sense of what I was remembering. I saw you and saw the stuff about me, so I know we were best friends from when we were kids. There was a video of us... and I watched it again and again because there was just something I couldn't put my finger on." Bucky looks up suddenly, his gaze assessing. "It was the way we looked at each other."

Steve's mouth works but no words come out. Fortunately Bucky saves him from having to answer.

"Steve... Back then, were we...?"

He's trying to read what he's seeing in Bucky's face before he responds, but in the end he gives up and opts for honesty, consequences be damned.

"We never really got that far, Buck... but I think we could have." He holds Bucky's gaze as he adds, "I would have liked that."

Frustratingly, Bucky's expression gives nothing away. "What about the girl at the airport?"

"Sharon," Steve clarifies, feels like he has to. "Peggy's niece." It still seems strange even though he's had a little time to get used to the idea. Bucky isn't looking at him now and the lack of eye contact asks the question without a single word being spoken. "I know what it might have looked like, but there's nothing between us, Buck."

Bucky looks like he wants to protest. _That's not what I meant._ But they both know it is.

"You... You should. She seems nice. You deserve someone like that."

Yet another attempt at misdirection that fails spectacularly, because Bucky's intention is as clear as day. His dejection is telegraphed in the slump of his shoulders and the set of his jaw, already hardened for bad news.

"It's not about deserving, Buck," Steve replies quietly. He wants to lay his hand on Bucky's arm, but is still never sure what physical contact the Winter Soldier will find acceptable. "It's about want." He hesitates a second before deciding to push on. After all, what was it he'd called himself to Natasha - the world's leading authority on waiting too long? "It's about what _we_ want."

Bucky's expression is pained. His eyes drop to the floor. "I'm not the same man, Steve."

"Neither am I."

After a moment, Bucky nods. Steve tells himself that what he's seeing in the other man's expression is _hope_. That things, even as bad as they are now, won't always be this way, That one day there'll be something between them that _can_ be defined.

Eventually Bucky makes an amused sound. "I doubt this is gonna help restore your reputation, you know."

Steve's not sure if Bucky's referring to the fact that he's the infamous Winter Soldier or if it's because he's a man. He decides to go with the latter. "We might have changed, but the world's changed too. For the better."

"What d'you think your friends will say?" It's clear Bucky still isn't completely convinced.

Steve colours slightly. "Somehow I don't think it'll be a surprise. When we started looking for you, Sam came straight out and asked me if you and I were more than friends." He shrugs. "Like I said, the world's changed."

The silence surrounds them as the medical technicians continue to keep a respectful distance.

"Besides," Steve concludes, a smile growing on his lips, "where else am I gonna find someone my own age to have a relationship with?"

OoOoO

Too soon, it's time for Bucky to go. Steve tells him he wants to be present while the procedure is carried out and is relieved when Bucky agrees. When the preparations are complete, Bucky steps into the chamber and allows the technicians to fasten the straps across his body. His features are like stone and Steve can only imagine what's going through the other man's mind, having spent decades being subjected to a similar procedure.

"Okay, Sergeant Barnes," the chief medic announces, "we're good to go."

Bucky nods tightly and closes his eyes, prompting the technicians to start closing the chamber. He's breathing deeply, controlling his fears. It isn't Hydra this time, but putting his faith in others not to hurt him or exploit him is understandably difficult. 

"Wait."

Heads turn, because nobody disobeys an order from Captain America. The hydraulics promptly shut off and Bucky opens his eyes. Despite the audience, Steve steps forward and presses a gentle kiss to the other man's forehead.

"To the end of the line, remember?"

Bucky nods, his expression tender. "To the end of the line," he agrees.

Steve steps back, even though it takes every inch of his willpower to do so. The glass lid of the cryo chamber is closed and the process begins. He stays, eyes never leaving the pod until someone gently touches his arm. He jumps slightly at the contact.

"Captain Rogers?" It's the chief medical officer. "The process is complete. Sergeant Barnes is in complete cryonic stasis now."

He knows this already, as he's been following the technicians' conversations, even though he's probably appeared to be in a world of his own. 

"His health will be continuously monitored until you're ready for the process to be reversed."

"Thank you," Steve answers. Belatedly, he realises that the numbers in the room have dwindled now their work is done.

"There was also a message from his Royal Highness," the scientist adds. "He asked that you come speak with him once you were finished here. Only when you’re ready, of course."

"Thank you, again," Steve says as the other man nods and takes his leave.

Alone in the lab, Steve steps up the cryo chamber once more. Through the glass he studies the man he's lost so many times, yet loved throughout it all. Reverently he reaches out; the temporary home of the Winter Soldier is appropriately cold to the touch.

"Goodnight, Buck," he says softly.

He turns to leave, instantly becoming the super soldier with a mission to complete. Things are complicated at the moment and he doesn't know if, how or when these situations will be resolved, but he knows he's going to move Heaven and Earth to makes sure he's working towards a future where Bucky is by his side. 

_That's_ a plan he can definitely get behind.

**End**


End file.
